Parenting: What I've Learned #1023 - The Garden Centre

When it's a gorgeous day out, the family are happy and jolly, and it's time to finally buy some plants for the long neglected back yard (yard is generous: patch?) do NOT, and I mean under no circumstances, take the family to the garden centre. Even if it has Toby's coffee.

It is a place for old people with time on their hands, just marrieds with time on their hands and loving looks, and not really anyone else.

Do not try and infiltrate this place. You and your running, shouting children will not be welcomed with open arms. They will be frowned upon.

Mostly by you.

Yes, I know, I know, you are thinking that the garden centre has to be peaceful with all that greenery, fish ponds and water feature action. Me too. Wrong. So wrong.

I cannot even put into words adequately what happened when we went there as it sounds like nothing much. Fights over pushing the trolley, fights over pushing the pram, pushing the trolley over expensive plants, pushing the pram into expensive plants and abovementioned old people and loved up youngsters. It was not pretty. I was on parental high alert the whole time.

I had thought the coffee shop would be nice, a little time to relax after our jobs were done. Mr Quince and I could not get a minute to discuss what we were buying without taking them for a milkshake within about two minutes of arriving. Baby was very unhappy and screamed the whole time.

I verged on hysteria. It changed me, that place.

I have memories of mini golf outings doing the same to us when we were little kids.

No garden centres, no mini golf. Trust me on these.